Hmmm…I’ve had people apologize and even ask me how did I get over the divorce. Honestly, it wasn’t about getting over “the divorce” but about getting over myself.
I won’t go into full details about the situation surrounding my divorce but I will say if I wanted to I could have soaked in the idea that I was the victim and it wasn’t my fault, as I have seen countless of men and women do. You ask them about a failed relationship or marriage and its everyone’s fault but theirs. Like how can you really place all the weight of a failed marriage on one person when the marriage includes a three-part, two-person covenant?
I’m not saying that what the other person may have done or what they may not have done was right or wrong but you are only responsible for your actions. There is always room for personal growth. I always hear people say “I learned my lesson” in reference to a failed relationship but have you really though?
The simple fact that no one is perfect should be a great indicator why we should always self-reflect. I didn’t blame myself for his bad choices but I took ownership for my bad choices that possibly did contribute to his bad choices. Again, rather my choices did or did not is so irrelevant. The point is bad choices were made on my end and zooming in on that is where I would learn my lesson.
Removing pride and allowing God to show me things about myself was the best thing I could have done. He revealed to me I was full of pride, bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear. For some reason, I believe we think we have two hearts. Or maybe that our heart has walls that block off the fear, unforgiveness and hate that we harbor on one side. On the other side is where we store love. 🗣”BREAKING NEWS…YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HEART..NO DIVIDERS PRESENT. THE SAME FEARFUL, BITTER HEART IS THE SAME HEART YOU ATTEMPT TO LOVE OTHERS WITH. NO SEPARATION!!”
Meaning either you have a clean pure heart able to receive and give love or you are not loving anyone correctly because your heart is full of junk that is the complete opposite of what love is.
God walked with me. He told me over and over again to trust him with my life and my children. He walked with me every step of the way. He asked me to love the man who hurt me and showed me what that looked like to respect and love him as the father of my kids. It wasn’t easy and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because it was so uncomfortable trying not to defend myself but, letting God be my defender, swallowing my pride and obeying my papa. I in return had so much peace and even joy in one of the most humiliating seasons of my life, I stood my grown, wore my crown with my head held high and embraced the humility.
Call To Action:
I don’t know your story but God does. He wants to use it to strengthen your trust and intimacy with him. No matter how dark or painful. He uses it all if we let him. This means we have to forgive, we can’t play the victim and we have to take ownership for our actions and allow God to teach us what it looks like to walk in love.
He is waiting for or you. 😊
What lesson is he wanting to teach you? What is he wanting to reveal to you about yourself? Will you let him?