It’s always interesting to hear someone elses collective thoughts regarding you as a person. Someone mentioned earlier today that I was the kind of person that loves people but from a distance. Distance being emotionally not necessarily physically though at times it can most definitely be both. In my mind I just thought…hmmmm….that is definitely me…sadly.
I runaway from things that I can’t control..I mean if we want to be real about it, that’s the bottom line. I struggle with being vulnerable because feelings and emotions are so inconsistent and uncontrollable. They are uncomfortable, they make me think, they are scary and quite frankly they stress the crap out of me. So to know that I don’t like dealing with my own emotions, why on earth would I want to deal with other people’s inconsistencies??? I don’t so I run!
If I position myself (my heart) to be closed off to people than I’m also positioning myself to be closed off to God in some capacity. I realized I had been living a life away from vulnerability and in return struggled with not just receiving others but love from God. In return I couldn’t give away something I didn’t have.(love)
One of the most painful truths God spoke to me was the fact that I will never reach my full potential as the woman he has called me to be apart from people. In fact, I wont truly even began to know who I am until I allow him to love me and in return love the people around me….not from a distance but up close and personal! OUCH!
Notice this conversation with God was held almost 2 years ago but someone mentioned me being a distant lover today. It’s a process and a journey that God is currently walking in with me. I don’t get it right all the time but I also don’t use that as an excuse to not try! I’m learning to push through so even when I fail, I am closer to getting there than I was the day before!
I now force myself to acknowledge my feelings and deal with them vs running away or pushing them off to the side for another date. I’m learning to receive Gods love for me which makes it so much easier to see the value in other people actually doing life with me. In fact I’m finding myself and becoming more and more into the woman of God my papa created me to be.
Call to Action:
What are you running from? Do you lack the vulnerability needed to love others?
I think its time to stop running. There is not one thing distant about Gods love but it is transparent, tangible, real, up close and definitely personal!
There is strength when we face our fears in faith vs run in fear. The mountain is a big as you think it is.
You are not alone!
God is faithful!
Your Groom is waiting!
Isaiah 54:5 ESV
For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called
Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”